DimLambs declare war on fat cats

Monday, 19 September 2011 20:48 Dodgy dossier
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“It will all be over by Bonus Day,” says top brass.

Speaking from their heavily fortified bunker in Birmingham, the top brass of the DimLambs announced that they were preparing all out battle on wealthy fat cats, and were on the warpath against the evils of corporate greed, tax avoidance and tax evasion.

General Mick Cloggs and his deputy Colonel ‘Invincible’ Cobbles made a joint statement to the effect that high earners who didn’t pay their fair share of tax would be made to surrender it to the state.

“They may try and run for cover, but we will hunt them in their tax havens; we will find their off-shore accounts; we will make them give up their fair share,” said Cobbles.

Asked how they would achieve this objective, General Cloggs said that they would recruit an elite Revenue Regiment of 2,250 specialist tax commandos and agents who would undertake front line duties in undercover surveillance of 350,000 of the highest paid people. “They will scrutinise the tax returns with a microscope and scour every nook and cranny with a toothbrush. We have the firepower - no one or nowhere will be safe. It is all out war,” said Cloggs.

Our reporter asked why the war effort was not being directed at tax reform rather than making enemies of people who were, after all, only taking advantage of the situation that had been allowed to go unchallenged for decades.

“Of course tax reform is on the agenda,” said Cobbles, “we will be training our heaviest artillery on houses worth over a £1million in order to rake in every penny we can. If necessary, we will pound them into the ground.”

When our sleuth reminded them that they were the presidents of a DimLamb party group that advocated land value taxation, and asked if it wouldn’t be simpler and fairer to introduce that instead, both leaders looked blank.
 

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