From our sleuth

Saturday, 27 February 2010 19:56 Dodgy dossier

Walking along the silver sand beach while on holiday at a secret tropical island location, our sleuth spotted something bobbing in the sea that looked like a bottle. Indeed it was! Inside was a rolled up piece of paper that appeared to be the scribbling of none other than the CoE Ė Alasspoor Darling. A transcript is attached.

Donít Ask Me
The Chancellorís Dilemma

Iím in a dilemma,
I donít know what to do
For the best
We loose the election and I get the blame
For dousing recovery
Or fanning the flames
Of inflation or worse.
Iím in charge of the public purse
But GB wants this,
Lord M wants that,
All I can think of is raising the VAT.

Everyone knows we are deep, deep in debt,
And it must be paid off
As soon as its poss.
Some want it quickly
While some say Ďnot yetí.
Shall I just print more money
Or tighten our belt?

Shall I go macro, think big and act bold
Or do I choose micro and creep into a hole?
Thereís no doubt about it
We are all agreed
Weíre in a fix.
But whatís the solution?

Some say I should tax more
Some tell me to spend
Some advise deep cuts -
Itís driving me round the bend.
Or should that be a double dip
Into a new recession?
What do I do if weíre going down hill?
Slam on the brakes
Or raise interest rates?

Spending too much is the cause of inflation,
Cheap credit it was that caused ruination.
Speculation is rife
With bubbles and spikes.
The pound is a problem,
Itís out of control.
One minute its down and our exports are up,
The next it is up and our imports go down.
Or is it the other way round?
Is the euro or dollar
The cause of the trouble?
If I was an economics scholar
Iíd have all the answers, just like that.
Off pat.

But Iím out of my depth,
I donít know what to do.
Do you?
Answers on a postcard, please.
And hurry!

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