Recipes for disaster

Friday, 23 April 2010 05:41 Dodgy dossier
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Pie In The Sky Dishes for Meaningless Manifestos

No 1: Broken Promise Pie
Serves you right:
Spend millions of pounds on useless projects
Add copious amounts of debt
Separate the boom from the bust
Squeeze the middle classes with taxes
Sprinkle promises to taste
Cook over a high level of inflation
Bake well is in Derbyshire
Allow to go cold and make deep cuts in budgets

No 2: Tax trifle

Serves no useful purpose:
Ideal bittersweet finish to a labour rule of lost opportunities
Soak the motorist well
Sponge on the poor and needy
Add a jug of VAT
Crush all opposition
Break the gold reserves in a dish of dishonesty
If the mixture does not show signs of recovery, learn lessons and move on
Spin at regular intervals
Cover up any fiscal shortfalls
Top with credit crunchies

No 3: Nanny’s Surprise Sub Prime Pudding

with NINJNA powder topping
(Should this recipe prove to be a crisis put the blame on the Americans)
Finely chop the carrot and stick of celery
Shell out public sector contracts
Remove the incentive to work
Stir in the Benefits mixture with one hand while extracting taxes with the other
Pour in the excuses
Butter up the backbenchers and whip them into line
Allow the mixture to rise out of control
Borrow large amounts of currentsy (or sultanas)
Shape into a debt mountain
Finally, add NINJNA powder to taste (must be No Income No Job No Asset variety)

No 4: Brown Windser Soup
Boil the bonus bones for 2 hours
Downturn the gas and reduce credibility
Watch the bubbles burst
Strain the economy to breaking point and leave the liquid assets to cool

Now, in a No. 10 size bowl:
Spare no expenses
Turn a blind eye to waste and inefficiency
Crush the green shoots of recovery
Pepper with promises
Bring to the boil at regular intervals
Simmer with rage
Add a generous pinch of QE seasoning and serve

A ‘Cook the Books’ publication from the Institute of Economic Incompetence
 

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